How To Not Care What Other People Think Of You
“Love is all you need.” — The Beatles
Love is, indeed, all you need.
The problem is almost everyone is trying to find that sense of pure unconditional love in unsustainable places.
The core reason why we care so much about what other people think of us is that we are raised to believe that other peoples perception of us is more significant than our perception of ourselves. We are raised to be a victim to our parents thoughts about us. It’s not their fault though; they were raised the same way by their parents.
If you want to change this then you have to begin now to place more value on your alignment with self love rather than alignment with what others think about you.
It feels great when someone loves you in a way where you take it personally. You believe that another persons love for you is because of the way you are acting or behaving. In other words, you perform a certain action in the world, and you get a desired response from someone. Soon enough, you become conditioned to do this action in order to experience love.
You got praised for being clean but criticized for being messy.
You got praised for using manors but criticized for being impolite.
You got praised for following rules but criticized when you acted out of order.
You got praised for being productive but criticized for being lazy.
You got praised for eating vegetables but criticized for eating candy.
We are programmed since we’re born to act “appropriately.” This is not necessarily a bad thing. In a lot of ways the programming we received has served us greatly.
How do you know when the programming is working against you though?
It becomes problematic when it strips you from your natural freedom to independently make decisions based on your own authentic preferences and desires.
It is healthy for a child to receive guidance from his/her environment to make choices that feel positive to them. Most parents believe it is their job, however, to tell their child what to do and what not to do. This “I know better than you” mentality is flawed because it does not inspire and empower the child to make their own decisions in life. It pushes and attempts to mold them into something that may not be aligned with their highest preferences.
How do you feel when someone tries to make you do something you don’t want to do? It’s lousy. We don’t want to be told what to do; we want to feel free to make choices that are relevant to our own sense of worth.
The only way to get to a consistent feeling of self worth is to begin pursuing objectives and behaving in ways that resonate with your highest bliss.
Consistently following your bliss produces the integrity you need to experience sustainable love.
Following Your Bliss
People are notorious for offering their opinions on the best way to live life. You may not even resonate with what I’m saying here in this article. That’s fine. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I’m wanting to empower you to make your own decisions in life so you don’t have to be at all concerned of what others feel or think about your life path.
There is no wrong way to live life. There are only the choices you make and the consequences of those choices (cause and effect). Your parents and society did the best job they knew how to do to give you what you needed in order to live the happiest life you could.
You’re likely reading this article, whether you’re aware of it or not, because you want to upgrade your sense of self worth. You can only do this by relentlessly doing things in life that fill you with joy while letting go of needing to appear worthy in the eyes of others.
This may mean a wide variety of things to you.
It may mean going to the school you truly want to go to, or it might mean dropping out of school altogether.
It may mean breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend to explore another attractive connection.
It may mean opening up to your sexual preference and exploring relationships that were considered “wrong” or taboo by your friends and family.
It may mean quitting your job and pursuing your true dream.
It may mean becoming a vegetarian, vegan, or raw foodist, or it might mean becoming a meat eater, depending on what your body desires.
It may mean moving to another city, country, or continent that feels more exhilarating to you.
It may mean dancing in the club or on the street because it feel fun to do so in the moment.
It may mean going up to that guy or girl in the coffee shop, restaurant, street, or mall because you’re attracted to him/her.
It may mean dressing yourself or doing your hair in unconventional ways because you like it that way.
In order to start doing and pursuing things that are truly meaningful to you, you need to begin conjuring two things: authenticity and courage.
Authenticity & Courage
Much of your life is about continually clarifying your authentic self, and a sense of courage to express it. This isn’t something you realize on the outside. It is discovered within. It is not a stagnant awareness either. Because you are always growing and expanding from your experience, your preferences are always evolving as well.
Today you may genuinely want to live in Bali, but next year you may genuinely want to live in California. The key is to have a high degree of self awareness so you know where you want to go right now.
Courage is developed by building a strong conviction in whatever it is you desire. You need to accept the fact that your desire is your desire. Once you own it, no one can take it away from you. This gives you power. Power is what fuels your courage.
Speak often in terms of what you truly want. Imagine yourself right now pursuing the goals, dreams, and desires that you’ve always said you wanted. When you allow your entire being to focus on it with power and intensity, can anyone take it away from you? Not a chance. You become a potent force in the world, forever moving towards whatever it is that authentically inspires you in the moment.
Doing Your Best
Sometimes you fail at pursuing your highest desires.
It’s in the past.
Learn from it. Gain clarity from it if you can, and move on.
Just do your best. It’s okay if you drop the ball. You’re likely reading this because you want to live unhindered by your projection of what other people are thinking of you.
Stop chasing approval and start pursuing your authenticity. Once you have that, you will feel free to courageously do whatever you want to be, do and have in life.
Exercise For Staying Grounded in Your Truth
The next time you find yourself caring what someone thinks of you to the point where it jeopordizes the integrity of what you want, or the way you want to express yourself in life, use this quick practice to train yourself back into alignment with who you are and what you truly want in the moment.
Step 1. Define what you want in the moment.
Whether you’re defining a big or small desire, gain clarity on what you’re wanting to experience from your current perception of what is true for you.
Step 2 . How bad do I want it?
Rate your desire on a scale of 1-10. The lower your number, the lower your chances are of actually getting or pursuing it. Your desire needs to be an 8, 9, or 10 in order for you to make it work for you!
Step 3 . Accept. Believe. Pursue.
This is where the desire can get fun, or fall on its face. This is where you succeed or fail. You must say “yes” to your desire. This is the part where you own it. When you own it, you believe it and no one can take it away from you. You may be scared, but you do it anyway because the exhilaration of it catapults you forward. This is what people mean when they say “feel the fear and do it anyway.” Have fun. Have courage. Go do it! The more you do it, the more you condition yourself out of your old patterns of fear and into your authentic patterns of courage.
Step 4 . Detach yourself from the outcome.
This is perhaps the hardest as well as the most important step. If you can successfully not care what happens when you finally do pursue your desire, you have figured out what life is all about: pursuing your desires for the fun of it. This is true freedom, liberation, and exhalation. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Either way, you’re going to learn something from the experience, and therefor evolve into a new positive version of yourself.
Caring what others think is ultimately a choice that you make when faced with your life’s desires. Not caring is also a choice, and you can begin practicing now with the information above. Feel free to refer back to this article often as a reminder to follow the voice of courage, rather than the voice of fear.
Keep practicing. Keep having fun. Keep playing.
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